The ever-persistent rain demanded attention from all senses as it thundered down, thickening the air into humidity.
I’d been perched on the highest bolder staring at nothing for gods know how long, surrounded by the earthy scent of dirt and pine.
Winter was a dull season. Nothing ever changed from the sight I was seeing now, a murky, rain sodden forest quiet of all life as shelter won out against this bore. Endless rain drops fell on my leather hood with a splat before rolling off the lip onto my face, every drop falling at the mercy of gravity soaking the ends of my hair, a dull brown turned almost black in its wake. Eyes fluttering once again to clear the weight of water filled eyelashes, I let out a long sigh.
Coming out here to find peace was silly in hindsight. Nothing would bring me peace but the halt of King Theoden’s most recent proposed law. I thought of my father's name in spite as I fell down the rabbit hole once again of what this law would mean for the common elves. King Theoden had been stripping the rights of common elves for as long as I could remember, but to cut their pay to one knole a day was criminal. They were already practically slaves.
Only yesterday morning I had paused while heading towards the main hall of Woodland Castle, overhearing a small group of common elves speaking in quiet whispers about this new law, despair evident on their sharp, harsh faces, rippling through their lean hunched figures.
Hearing this I had turned around and marched straight up the highest tower to my fathers quarters to demand answers for what I had overheard. Of course ‘demanding answers’ is not how it went. After barging through the door I was able to get out one quick shout of “WHAT IS THIS NEW LAW” before my father barked a firm, “quiet” and my mouth had zipped tight. My feet stopped at the entrance of his study, glued to the floor under the weight of my father's power used against me.
Each protest I had against my father's decisions over the years were cut shorter every time as his patience wore with me. In the past he had tried to reason with me. His voice soft and reassuring in my adolescence, was now curt and to the point now I am of age. I remember the early days of his soft reassuring voice coming right after mother’s passing. My memories of my mother were vivid as I clung to them over the years. Kind and soft spoken with long curly golden hair and piercing blue eyes, forever creased at the corners in smile when set upon me.
My last memory of mother was not of her soft-spoken voice but of her screams, harsh even through the wall. I’d stood outside her bedroom, jumping and anxiously biting my nails with each new heart wrenching scream that vibrated the wall between us.
Liza, my mother's midwife and my lifelong nanny, approached. “You shouldn’t be here, Princess.” She could not hide the anxiety in her wrinkled face as she quickly looked around, the tips of her short pointed ears drooping, the only trait that distinguished the difference between a common and noble elf. Her hands clung to a pile of fresh cotton towels. She had left the room only moments before, not noticing me in her haste, with another pile of towels, only they had been stained red. The door of mother's room had swung open and father stepped out. Seeing Liza first, with a hard face he snapped “What are you doing?! Get in there.” She’d hurried in, no longer blocking my view from father.
“Aerin, what are you doing? You should not be here,” he repeated Liza’s words, closing the door and crouching before me.
“What's happening to mama?” my childish voice got out before another scream reverberated off the walls in the hallway, father and I wincing at the same time.
“I told you, you have a sibling on the way. Your mother is giving birth as we speak '' he told me, pulling my hands into his to stop my desperate wringing of them.
“But why is she screaming?” I asked.
“Childbirth is a wondrous thing Aerin, but it can also be a difficult thing, your mother is having some difficulty right now”, he explained with sad eyes. The door behind him swinging open again as Liza’s stout form came out.
“Your Majesty,” she paused, eyes flicking to me.
“What?!” Father snapped back, sharply turning to face her.
Eyes sliding back to my father she spoke. “You must come back inside.”
I let out a small squeak as my father's hands had tightened around mine. At the sound he dropped my hands and stood.
“Leave Aerin, go to your room and do not leave until I seek you out” and with that he was gone, door shut firmly behind him. Little did I know what was to transpire behind those doors.
As father had announced it to his court only hours later from that moment, mother was breeched, the baby facing the wrong way, and her life was forfeited in order to save the child’s. Minutes before this announcement father had grabbed me from my room, dragging me by the hand to the throne room as I pleaded with him to tell me where mother was. I stood beside him, numbly hearing as gasps broke out at the news, tears blurring my vision as I stared down at the marbled floor.
I looked up, clearing my vision, hearing the commotion coming from my right. Liza was being dragged out to the front of the dais by two of father’s soldiers, kicking, and crying the whole way. She was forced down to her knees with a sickening crack in front of my father. His kingly voice echoed around the room as he told his court of Liza’s decision to forfeit the Queen's life without his permission while he was called away in the early hours. Liza screamed to plead her case before a thick wave of magic pulsed in the air and her mouth shut, quiet tears never stopping their descent down her worn face as she stared up at my father. I barely had time to register everything said before I watched Liza’s head cut from her body, bouncing down the steps of the dais to the feet of the court.
To this day, I don’t believe a word of what my father spoke that life changing day. Liza had been my nanny, she had cared for me for five years and was one of mother’s dearest friends. She would have never trusted the care of me to Liza otherwise. Even at that age, when grief no longer consumed every inch of my body, I became suspicious. My father had never willingly interacted with Liza. I began to recall all the encounters he had with her and common elves alike - with no regard to their being, as if they were a pest he tolerated.
Only then had I realised my mother's part in working for equality. After Liza’s death, the cover on father's distaste for common elves was revealed and true oppression began.
Through this dark time, only one brought any light to my life, Lirien. My beautiful baby sister embodied everything my mother was. She is what I imagine mother looked like as a child as she inherited everything from mother. From her long golden curly hair, bright blue eyes and delicate smile, to her soft-spoken voice, always so kind and so like mothers it often made me cry in solace. Seeing her made me feel the weight of inheriting everything from my father. Long brown straight hair, dark brown eyes, and sharp eyebrows always betraying me in strong emotion.
Lirien was my everything now. An evergreen soul to be protected from all things harsh and grotesque in this world.
The thought of Lirien brought me back to the present. All these memories still spinning around my mind as I pushed off the hard surface of the boulder, grabbing my longbow in one swift movement before setting off. She was heartbroken to hear the news of this law when I told her yesterday and had been cooped up in her room since. I knew she would not attend the court for its decision today, but I would be there to show my distaste, knowing the control of my face is the only right I now have left. I will rejoin her after to mourn this decision with her. Wasting no more time, I quickened my pace out of the forest's edge to the throne room to hear this new law brought to the nobles to be voted on.
I huffed in anger at the thought. As if they will vote against it. It is what my father wants, so it shall be. He acts like this is a democratic kingdom, but no noble would go against my father’s wishes, as obvious as they are.
The falsehood of this whole system occupied my mind as I entered the throne room still dressed in my huntress gear, a deep contrast to the noble's luxurious tunics and frilly dresses. Lirien much preferred to indulge in this type of dress, with all the beauty but no bite behind it, unlike these animals that filled the room before me.
My attention was snapped forward as father entered the room from the right of the throne and took up his seat, face blank as if he did not care at all what was to go on here before him. If my face hadn’t looked murderous before, it sure as hell did now as I stared at my father from the back of the room.
A hooded figure dressed in dark colours caught my attention as they entered from the same side my father had. They did not look like my father's normal soldiers who wore silver armour from head to toe, looking completely ridiculous I had always thought. The figure was dressed in dark leather garb which suggested he was a soldier of some sort. It was only when they stopped a few paces behind my father's throne to stand so still that my breath caught in my throat as they looked up marginally, just showing their eyes from beneath their hood.
Thain.
It had been years since I last saw his face. I could not see any hint of the long golden brown hair I was used to with Thain. He must have cut it short. His features were much sharper than the last time I saw him. I should not be surprised since we are both young adults now, I would imagine having shed our baby fat over the last few years. An ache formed in my chest remembering his last words to me.
“I do not have the luxury of growing up in a castle Ari! I must go to make something of myself, and you must stay to fulfil your duty as heir.”
And with that, he had walked out of my life into the hands of the Royal Guard after being my one constant for 15 years. Seeing him now, the realisation that I had never recovered from his leaving me hit like a ton of bricks.
My best friend from childhood, who had seen me at my worst, and been through thick and thin, met my stare.
My father spoke, but I heard no words.
***